妻がとんでもない奇病を患った。
夕飯の食卓で妻が文句を言う。
「あなた。もっとおいしそうに食べてよ」
おれのシメジの佃煮の食べ方に問題があるらしい。
キノコの五目炊き込みご飯、ナメコの味噌汁、
エリンギのメンマ、マッシュルームの卵炒め、
シイタケのオイスター煮、マイタケの照り焼き。
我が家の食卓は、キノコ料理に完全に占領されていた。
妻の体からキノコが生え始めたのは
あれはたしか、結婚三年目の秋のことだった。
妻は最初、ただの吹き出物かと思ったそうだ。
爪で簡単に削れるが、削っても洗っても
かさぶたのようなものが次から次へと出てくる。
皮膚病を心配して病院で診てもらったところ
皮膚の下までキノコの菌床になっているという診断だった。
若い担当医は笑顔で説明したという。
「ごく普通のキノコの菌ですね。
たから、食べられますよ」
さすがに最初は食べる気になれなかった。
けれども、妻の下腹部から松茸らしきものが生えた時
なんだかもったいない気がして
つい育てて試食してしまった。
それがじつにおいしかったのである。
最高級品の馥郁たる香りがした。
それからなのだ。
完全なキノコの菌床になる決意を妻がしたのは。
夫婦の寝室は妻専用のキノコ栽培室となり
大型の加湿器が置かれるようになった。
妻はまったく外出しなくなり、エアコンつけっぱなし。
一年中ほとんど裸で過ごすようになった。
あの美しかった妻の面影は、もうどこにもない。
というか、もう人間とすら思えない。
図鑑で見たベニテングタケそっくりに見えてきた。
その毒々しくも鮮やかな色彩。
見ていると、なんだか頭がクラクラしてくる。
全身が燃えるように熱くなり、汗が垂れ始めた。
胸が締めつけられる。
こ、呼吸が苦しい。
おれの苦しむ姿を見ながら
目の前の巨大なベニテングタケが小首をかしげた。
「あら？ 毒抜きが足らなかったのかしら」
元「koebu」舞坂うさもさんが演じてくださった！
Flirt Mushroom
My wife suffered from a strange disease.
She complains at the dinner table.
"You. Eat more deliciously."
It seems that there is a problem with my way
of eating the boiled soy sauce of shimeji mushroom.
Mushroom Japanese mixed rice,
miso soup with nameko mushroom,
king trumpet mushroom aspidium,
fried mushroom eggs,
Shiitake mushroom oyster simmered,
maitake mushroom fish broiled with soy.
The dining table in our house
was completely occupied by mushroom dishes.
My wife's body began to grow mushrooms,
it was probably the third year of marriage in autumn.
My wife at first thought it was just a bait.
It can be easily scraped with nails,
but after scraping or washing,
something like a scab comes out next.
When she was worried about her skin disease
and she was examined at the hospital,
she was diagnosed with a mushroom bed
underneath her skin.
The young doctor explained with smiles.
"It's a very common mushroom fungus.
So you can eat it."
I did not feel like eating at first.
However, when something like matsutake mushroom
was grown from the lower abdomen of my wife,
I felt like it was a bit messy,
and I just raised it and tasted it.
It was delicious.
It had the finest flavor and smell.
Then my wife decided to be a complete mushroom bed.
The couple's bedroom has become
a mushroom cultivation room exclusively for my wife,
and a large humidifier has been placed.
My wife never goes out
and she keeps the air conditioner on.
She became almost naked all year round.
The beauty of that beautiful wife is no longer there.
Or, I can not think of her as a human anymore.
It looks like Amanita muscaria
I saw in the pictorial book.
Its poisonous and vivid colors.
When I look at it, I feel dizzy.
My whole body became so hot
that my sweat began to drip.
My chest is tightened.
I have a hard time breathing.
Seeing my suffering, a huge Amanita muscaria
in front of me dabbed her head.
"Ah, I wonder if I could not get rid of the poison?"
若い担当医は笑顔で説明したという。
「ごく普通のキノコの菌ですね。
たから、食べられますよ」
さすがに最初は食べる気になれなかった。
けれども、妻の下腹部から松茸らしきものが生えた時
なんだかもったいない気がして
つい育てて試食してしまった。
それがじつにおいしかったのである。
最高級品の馥郁たる香りがした。
それからなのだ。
完全なキノコの菌床になる決意を妻がしたのは。
夫婦の寝室は妻専用のキノコ栽培室となり
大型の加湿器が置かれるようになった。
妻はまったく外出しなくなり、エアコンつけっぱなし。
一年中ほとんど裸で過ごすようになった。
あの美しかった妻の面影は、もうどこにもない。
というか、もう人間とすら思えない。
図鑑で見たベニテングタケそっくりに見えてきた。
その毒々しくも鮮やかな色彩。
見ていると、なんだか頭がクラクラしてくる。
全身が燃えるように熱くなり、汗が垂れ始めた。
胸が締めつけられる。
こ、呼吸が苦しい。
おれの苦しむ姿を見ながら
目の前の巨大なベニテングタケが小首をかしげた。
「あら？ 毒抜きが足らなかったのかしら」
元「koebu」舞坂うさもさんが演じてくださった！
Flirt Mushroom
My wife suffered from a strange disease.
She complains at the dinner table.
"You. Eat more deliciously."
It seems that there is a problem with my way
of eating the boiled soy sauce of shimeji mushroom.
Mushroom Japanese mixed rice,
miso soup with nameko mushroom,
king trumpet mushroom aspidium,
fried mushroom eggs,
Shiitake mushroom oyster simmered,
maitake mushroom fish broiled with soy.
The dining table in our house
was completely occupied by mushroom dishes.
My wife's body began to grow mushrooms,
it was probably the third year of marriage in autumn.
My wife at first thought it was just a bait.
It can be easily scraped with nails,
but after scraping or washing,
something like a scab comes out next.
When she was worried about her skin disease
and she was examined at the hospital,
she was diagnosed with a mushroom bed
underneath her skin.
The young doctor explained with smiles.
"It's a very common mushroom fungus.
So you can eat it."
I did not feel like eating at first.
However, when something like matsutake mushroom
was grown from the lower abdomen of my wife,
I felt like it was a bit messy,
and I just raised it and tasted it.
It was delicious.
It had the finest flavor and smell.
Then my wife decided to be a complete mushroom bed.
The couple's bedroom has become
a mushroom cultivation room exclusively for my wife,
and a large humidifier has been placed.
My wife never goes out
and she keeps the air conditioner on.
She became almost naked all year round.
The beauty of that beautiful wife is no longer there.
Or, I can not think of her as a human anymore.
It looks like Amanita muscaria
I saw in the pictorial book.
Its poisonous and vivid colors.
When I look at it, I feel dizzy.
My whole body became so hot
that my sweat began to drip.
My chest is tightened.
I have a hard time breathing.
Seeing my suffering, a huge Amanita muscaria
in front of me dabbed her head.
"Ah, I wonder if I could not get rid of the poison?"
